When Someone Shows You Who They Are: Believe Them!

It can be confusing. He says one thing, but does the opposite. She acts like she likes you but then she doesn’t return your call. He said he would be here an hour ago? What exactly is going on? The signs and signals can be hard to read but I have figured out the secret! It’s not what people SAY that matters, it’s what they actually DO that shows you who they really are!

There are so many people out there who get hurt. We believe in them. We fall in love with them and they just keep hurting us. We put our trust in people who don’t deserve it and fall into the same pattern over and over. Why is that?

Well, in my humble opinion, it’s because we want to believe the best of others.  We take them at face value! We give them the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes we even make excuses as to why they haven’t called us back or why they broke a promise. We choose to look through rose-colored glasses because we want them to be that perfect, handsome, charming prince on a white steed.

It’s more difficult to see things as they really are. Don’t get me wrong. I know no one is perfect. People make mistakes. But if you pay attention you will see a pattern of behavior that shows their true colors. Is there a pattern of kindness? Do they apologize or take responsibility for their actions? Are they helpful when you’re in need? Or are they letting you down routinely? Do they hold your hand in public? Do they take advantage of your friendship?

Look at the behavior. People can say anything – and Politicians or people who are manipulative often do.  Look beyond the words to the actions. That is where you will find a persons true nature. That is how you decide where to place your trust, faith and love.

Because as much as people will show you who they are….YOU also teach them how to treat you but what you allow. If you allow bad behavior then you are teaching them that you are not worthy of being treated with kindness. You are teaching them that their bad behavior is more important that your self-worth. You are teaching them that you deserve less than.

And that is not OK. You deserve honesty, kindness, support, friendship, truthfulness and love. Don’t hide behind a mask pretending that everything is ok when it’s not. Speak up for yourself – do it with love but be firm. Do not allow yourself to be treated less than….especially from someone who SAYS they love you.

Big Heart Hugs, Dawn

 

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The Most Important Part of Your Face.

I remember being a little girl watching my mom put on lip gloss. She got really focussed. She looked in the mirror and puckered her lips just so. The gloss always smelled really good – like berries or candy. Then she would mush her lips together making sure both lips were covered. Every once in a while if I was very good, she would let me put some on too!

That’s how I learned that my lips were the most important part of my face. The part that deserved the most attention. It didn’t matter if I was out playing on my bike or in a fort in the dirt…my lips should always be pretty and glossy and smell like candy!

Then as a teenager I started to get pimples. Like every other teen I was the victim of unscheduled eruptions that ruined my whole week. From watching everyone else,  I learned to cover my face. I used foundation, highlighter and powder to try to make my whole face look uniform. No big red swollen spots Here! No Sir!

That’s how I learned that covering up my face was the most important part. Don’t look natural. The more makeup the better. At work, at school, on a date….my face should always been that perfect shade of non-shiny beige.

Recently, my eyes have caught my attention. How did I get those dark circles? And why are my eyebrows looking so pale? I guess It’s that grey hair creeping in. I use a little concealer under my eyes although it’s hard to find stuff that doesn’t settle into my wrinkles. And draw on some eyebrows…quick!!!!

That’s how I learned that my eyes are the most important part of my face. The part of my face that I wish still look young. The windows into my older soul. The part of me that looks back at me in the mirror. My eyes that change color with my mood. Grey when I’m upset and blue when I’m happy.

From someone who has been there, please know that it really doesn’t matter if you are wearing fruity smelling lip gloss, or if your makeup is covering your zits. Whether your eyebrows are on fleek is of no concern.

What really matters is that you use your mouth to speak words filled with loving kindness. That when you do speak, you speak to everyone…the homeless, the singled-out, the nerds, the popular kids, the people who seem ok but really aren’t, the ones who need you to tell them, “You are not alone.” That you use your words to speak out against injustice and hatred. And that you also learn when NOT to speak…that’s a tough one.

It’s important that you use your face to be real. No hiding, no wearing a mask, no pretending to be something you’re not. “Perfect” is not the destination. We need you to be YOU. Because you have an individual purpose that no one else can achieve. Turn your face towards those who need to be seen and heard. Face the crowd. Face the Music. Let your face be your autobiography!

And finally, work to SEE people for who they are on the inside. Look on others with patience.  Look through their mistakes and into their hearts. Look for the silver lining. See what is good in the world and find grace for each and every soul you meet.

And then you will be truly beautiful…..

 

 

Good Grief

If you knew that you’d be dead tomorrow what would you want everyone to remember about you? What would you wish you had done with your life? Is there anything you’d regret or do differently?

A few days ago I woke up thinking about my own death. It was not the old-lady-slow-progression-into-disease kind of death. This was “What if I die tomorrow? Would people be sad? Would my kids miss me? Will anyone remember the good things I’ve done? Have I made any difference at all?”

The very next day a woman I know died and it totally knocked the wind out of me. I didn’t believe it at first.  She wasn’t sick – she was just gone – like that! And she was MY age! I knew Michelle through friends, I saw her in town, I knew who her kids were, etc. And when I moved out of town she and I stayed friends on Facebook.

This woman was genuinely lovely. She was the most friendly, encouraging, real and humorous woman I knew. She had 12 kids. No you are not reading that wrong… 12!!!!  She was in the process of finding balance between taking care of her family and taking care of herself. She was trying to find time to exercise. She was trying to make healthy choices and be an example to her friends as well!

Some days she posted sweaty post-work-out pics. Some days she posted that she fit into a new size of jeans that week and was so excited! Some days she posted that she didn’t make it to the gym but she was going to forgive herself anyway.

I REALLY liked her. I liked how honest and transparent she was. I loved that she shared her struggles and joys and frustrations. I could relate to her and I admired her! And now she’s gone. POOF, like that!

I spent a couple of days in a fog, wandering around trying to make sense of what had happened. Of course, you can’t really make sense of it but you CAN learn from it. Death is final. There is no second act. We don’t get a second chance – that we know of. So we have to get it right the first time. We can’t screw around with our time here on earth! We have to make it count! THIS IS NOT A DRESS REHEARSAL PEOPLE!!!

If you were going to die tomorrow what do you think your eulogy would say? Would your friends and family say that you were kind and loving? Would your kids be devastated? Would there be people in your community who remembered you as friendly, giving and trustworthy?….OR would it be the other way around? I hope not.

Life is very short my friends. We can all be gone in an instant. So please do me a favor, Tell your friends and family that you love them often! Give them lots of hugs and try to be kind and forgiving. Apologize when you need to. Help each other out and spread hope around liberally! Live as though this is your last day….because you never know. Michelle didn’t.

 

 

 

 

 

Being Real

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I’ve been reading a lot lately about the importance of being real. I know that the relationships  I treasure the most are the ones that are real. By real I mean that both of us feel free to be ourselves, say what is on our mind, talk about virtually any topic and not hide behind any kind of mask.

I spent a lot of my life living behind a mask. I wore a mask with my parents – pretending to be what I thought they wanted me to be. I actually still do this to some degree. It’s just easier with my Mom to NOT go to the truth most of the time because the fall out would be hell. ( I can hear you echoing amen)

I wore a mask during school trying to be liked, accepted and to fit in. I wore a mask with my husband for many years – a mask that said everything was ok, that I was happy, that I felt loved, valued and cared for. I even wore a mask with my children trying to be the “perfect” mom – teaching them that I thought being perfect was more important than being real.

But I have learned that being unreal and living behind a mask is the worst possible way to live. It is counterfeit to our very being, false to our spirit, untrusting toward others, debilitating to our mind and full of self hatred. It is hiding in a closet, afraid to speak your truth.

With this blog I try to be very real. I try to explain to you how I truly feel. No hiding behind a mask or pretending to be something or someone I’m not. It does turn some people off or make them fearful for me. I’ve even been asked why I am so open with my feelings?

The answer is: Because I know that when I am real – it will touch others who are feeling the same way. Some people may find it uncomfortable but there are those out there who want to be heard. To have someone listen, accept them and connect in a deep, meaningful way.

And when we connect…when I open up my heart and show you all my wretched twisted glory  and you see it and love me anyway – that is pure joy, love and bliss. That is one soul touching another with a soothing, comforting hand. That is love like no other and cannot be replicated in any other way.

So I choose to be real. To live an open, honest and genuine life. To share my joys and hurts. To tell you the truth and trust you to hear me.  Namaste Y’all. Hugs.