The Constancy of Change

It’s getting really empty in here! I’m down to one fork, one plate and one cup. All traces of “me” are being erased and packed away in cardboard boxes and big black plastic bags. It feels really strange. It’s not my home anymore. I’m basically camping in my RV – The Gypsy Love Bus for one more week until the buyers come pick her up.

I’ve been trying to write this post for about a month. I have such a heavy feeling in my heart that I can’t shake. I am getting ready to move – again. This time I will be moving to Southern California to be with my boyfriend while he works in a two-year contract position. I’ve moved before. In fact, I’ve moved a lot! My whole life has been one move after another. You’d think I’d be used to it by now – even enjoy it – and sometimes I do. But not this time. I’m trying really hard to find the positive in this next chapter but I just keep feeling sad and a little angry.

I don’t know what is wrong with me! I love sunshine. I will have a pool to swim in every day if I want. I think I even found a place to work and a Massage Therapy school to attend……So why do I feel like this move is such a CHORE? Why do I hang my head and think, “I can do this, I can endure it”?

I visited southern California last week and while I was there I called my daughter to try to explain to her how I was feeling. “I feel lonely here. I want to live closer to you. I miss my friends. I’m not sure I’ll fit in down here, I miss my community….etc.” And she responded by saying, “Let me get this straight, it’s warm and sunny, your wonderful boyfriend is taking care of you, and you’re sitting at the pool? Boy, MOM, that sounds awful!” Her sarcasm made me laugh as I realized the absolute absurdity of my complaints.

Even though I know she is right, my heart is still heavy…..I’m working on looking at the positive. I pack up another box and put it into storage. I prepare to say goodbye to my co-workers, friends and family. I hike in the woods often to remind myself of how lovely and green it is in the Pacific North West AND I remind myself that the winter here is gray and cloudy and awful!

I keep trying to look at it as though I’m off on another adventure. That I LOVE having adventures and exploring new places. There will be new parks to hike, places to explore and new friends!

So, wish me luck in my next adventure! Please send love and light and uplifting thoughts. I need them. I’m having a hard time with this one. Hugs Y’all.

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