Where are you going?

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I’ve been traveling by train a lot lately and when I was at the station last I took this picture of the tracks and it got me to thinking about my life, my path in life and my future.

When I was a little girl I lived in blissful ignorance of the future. I only had to think about what clothes I was going to wear today, which Barbie to play with and whether or not I would ride my bike or go rollerskating. I never worried about the future or wondered where I would be in 5 years. Today was today and that was enough for me.

40 some odd years later as I look back at my life there is no way I could have foreseen the twists and turns in the tracks of my life that made me the person I am. I never would have imagined that I’d be married at 17, that I would see my favorite person die, that I would have two awesome kids, that I would become a yoga instructor (interior designer was on my list) and that I would have the opportunity to travel to Tulum Mexico, Croatia, Costa Rica and Belize!

The interesting thing is that I was on a path. I had a plan! I was a work at home mom, wife, PTA member, Martha Stewart wanna be, rule-maker, discipline giver who was going to raise perfect children who never made mistakes. I was going to stay inside the box and be perfectly happy with a spotless home ad infinitum.  The problem was that all of those things did not make me happy.

In the search for happiness I chose to change to my life and made a literal and purposeful JUMP OFF OF THE TRACKS I was on. It was difficult and sometimes I’m still startled by the changes I have wrought. I started by taking  care of myself and doing things I wanted to do – finally! I started doing mud runs, traveling and indoor skydiving!  Two weeks ago I got my first tattoo!

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So now I am off the tracks but WHERE THE Hell AM I GOING? The answer is I have no clue and that’s ok. I can’t see down my new path to where the twists and turns will take me. I only know what I’d like to do and I can move in that direction but nothing is promised. Something might happen tomorrow to change my direction again.

So for now,  I am living one day at a time and I only think about what clothes I will wear today, where I will be teaching yoga and whether I can go out and ride my bike or go rollerskating.

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