On Not Fitting In

I feel I must warn you…..this post contains a fair amount of whining and complaining because that is where I’m at right now. But there is a happy ending. 🙂

I’ve been having a really hard time lately. I just recently moved to a new town leaving everything behind. My kids stayed with my ex. I left my house, my studio, my students, my friends…..It was a very tough decision…..So here I am in a new town, in a new house, with a new life.

The hard part is that I have no friends here (except my boyfriend) and no job. As a yoga teacher I’m really mourning the loss of my studio and students. I miss teaching….ok and I miss the income too. I’ve been trying, REALLY I have. I’ve been going around and looking for work, giving out business cards, trying to tell people how truly awesome, reliable and dependable I am….all to no avail.

I’ve even been taking some yoga classes only to keep having the same feeling over and over, ‘I just don’t fit in!” I like to play rock and roll during Yoga – something to make my body really move! I like to laugh and play during class, I like to get feedback from my students, tease each other. I don’t usually chant or Ohm – I guess I haven’t ingested the yoga koolaid….Hence the “not fitting in”.

When I practice I want to sweat, I want to work hard, I want to feel like I’ve kicked my students butt and they love me for it and that they want to come back for more!

So in my lonliness tonight I decided to try out a class at the YMCA. This is where I met Kristin. She was our teacher tonight. Young, bright, happy and ready to lead. Her class was strong and challenging and I found myself having a hard time keeping up – maybe a by-product of the fact that I’ve been avoiding my mat for a while.

Kristin was so positive. Her Dharma talk tonight was about “loving yourself where you’re at.” As a yoga teacher I’ve said this many times to students but tonight I was the student. I needed to hear what she said. I need to love myself even though I am feeling a lot of negative emotions. I need to be gentle with myself and give myself time to fit in to the new schedule, new routine. And I need to remember to breathe.

The best part was that when i told her I had been looking for work she encouraged me to send her my resume……a job, a job a job?

Just when I’m feeling about as low as I can get and I’m feeling like I’ll never fit in, I’ll never find my place here, the universe brings me just what I need, a positive message, a great yoga class, a hug, maybe even a friend and a job. So things are looking up. I’m not as low tonight as I was yesterday.

There is possibility out there. Wait for it, be patient. it will come when the time is right. It’s hard to wait….believe me….I KNOW how hard it is. It’s ok to feel lost and alone and like you don’t fit it. You WILL find your place. The Universe’s answer is always YES!

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One thought on “On Not Fitting In

  1. I’m trying to be patient, but at 65 I feel like I’m running out of “wait” time. I guess it’s never too late to start a new life chapter.

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